are you still up?
That was the text sent by son #2 last Thursday evening, close to 10:00 p.m.
An interesting idea had just occurred to him, one that required input from his mother. Maybe I should say output.
You see, Jeremy is a pastor, and although his church started worshiping together again two weeks ago, their choir is not participating in the services. His worship leader has been singing solo; Jeremy has offered back-up.
But for May 31st, Pentecost Sunday, he was hoping for more.
First, he remembered a popular praise song released in 1998, Holy Spirit, Rain Down. Jeremy was in high school then and sang tenor on the praise team of the church where his dad (my husband) was pastor. I sang alto.
After reminding me of the song, Jeremy wondered if I could record that alto part with an instrumental/vocal track he’d send via email. He would add the tenor part, and his worship leader the melody.
I reminded him my voice is not what it once was, and it’s been six years since I even sang in a choir. But I didn’t want to tell him no without even trying. Besides, how many times must I tell myself, “It. Doesn’t. Have. To. Be. Perfect!”
So on Friday, with Jeremy as my guide via phone and computer, I climbed the learning curve of Garage Band, an APP for making music with vocals and/or instruments—multiples if desired. You’ve probably seen the results of such efforts on YouTube. Perhaps you’ve recorded music yourself.
Once set up, I could record as many times as needed and send Jeremy the best rendition. But after practicing numerous times, my voice started to give out. I had to quit.
Saturday morning was zero hour. Either I’d be able to send Jeremy a decent alto part, or ruin his plan and tell him there would be no trio. As I prepared to record, my heart started thrumming audibly and my breath coming faster than normal.
What is wrong with you?! I scolded. No one else is here in the study; you can record as many times as you want. Get a grip!
The problem was clear: A big cloud of nervous self-consciousness had enveloped me.
All I knew to do was pray.
Lord God, this is so silly. WHY am I overcome with apprehension? Even if I sing this twenty times and not one effort is perfect, what difference does it make?!
Calm these nerves, Heavenly Father. Help me to lose focus on my performance and worship you unencumbered. Remove this self-centeredness. I want to be lost in the heartfelt prayer of these lyrics—so appropriate right now—and mindful only of you, my audience of One.*
Even before I’d finished, my heart rate began to slow and my breathing return to normal. I sang the song twice, and sent the second effort to Jeremy. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough.
When I confessed to Jeremy my case of senseless nerves and subsequent prayer, he said, “You’ve got a blog post here, Mom!”
Perhaps I do, I thought, since others suffer from self-consciousness also. I wondered, Are there strategies we could implement to cure ourselves once and for all?
Here’s what a bit of reading revealed:
- Prayer is the first step. But we should not expect one prayer to vanquish all self-consciousness forever. It’s a prayer we’ll likely have to renew every time that nuisance-of-an-emotion sidles up to us.
- Focus on Who we’re seeking to honor. The better our focus, the less we’ll be thinking about ourselves.
- Just as Jesus told Satan to leave him alone (Matthew 4:10), we can tell the author of self-conscious thoughts to leave us alone.
Last Saturday, good enough became good aplenty. God heard my plea, immediately came to my rescue, and helped me calmly and worshipfully complete the task at hand. I couldn’t ask for more.
_________________________________
Have you ever felt self-conscious? What helps you to overcome it? Please share in the comment section below!
Notes:
* “Audience of One,” by Big Daddy Weave, 2002.
- Kristen Armstrong quote from Work in Progress, 2009, p. 37.
- Oswald Chambers quote from My Utmost for His Highest, 1935, p. 232.
Art & photo credits: http://www.pxfuel.com; http://www.canva.com (4).
From the Inside Out 
Nancy, I love your candor! Too often when we, as humans, face a challenge we allow our human nature to take over. We must remember to focus on the One Whom we are called to honor and serve. Thank you for that great reminder.
Amen, Ruth–“focus on the One Whom was are called to honor and serve!”
I listened to your son Jeremy’s church service recording on Facebook. Bravo, Nancy.
Thank you, Carole–you’re very kind!
thank you for sharing this Nancy!
You’re welcome, Wendi! I pray it was meaningful to you.
it really was. thank you again.
Nancy, this inspired me so much. I’ve battled “not good enough,” perfectionistic issues since my childhood. I especially applied what you wrote to my writing. Thank you for the inspirational quotes within this post. So good. Also, could you send me a link, so I can hear you singing this song? What has helped me is what you mentioned: taking my eyes off of me and putting them on the Lord. A verse that helps is “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe” (Proverbs 29:25 NIV) I confess I fear what others will think or say. Instead, I need to grow in fearing the Lord. Also, it doesn’t matter what my mind may say. What’s most important is that I obey. (I just came up with that little rhyme.) If God calls me to do it, I need to do it.
That’s a great proverb to keep in mind, Elaine; thank you for sharing. Love your rhyme too! I’ll see if I can get that link to you.
Thank you, Nancy. A valuable lesson indeed.
Thank you, Lesley. It was a valuable lesson for me too!
Good for you that the with the Lord’s help you overcame! And I’m sure it was beautiful, Nancy!!
Thank you, Sheila. God has been so good over the years, coming to my rescue again and again!
Nancy, you know, none of us have a singing voice anymore, but the ones who do those special Covid gigs on TV. I just know you made a joyful noise, probably pitch perfect! Miss you!
It was a joyful noise, alright–thank you, Cindy! Miss you too–all those evenings rehearsing choir music together…Sweet memories.
First – God bless YOU for your transparency AND for making the effort! I’m sure it was more than “good enough!” 🎶
Second – thanks to you and Jeremy for bringing those particular lyrics into my head and heart.
Third – and most of all – Oh how I LOVED singing with you and your son “back in the day…” Sweet, sweet memories to brighten my spirit!! ✨💖✨
Thank you, Debbie. We did have a glorious time making music didn’t we? Maybe Shepherd’s Voice can get together again when we’re all in heaven! Of course, Sweet Spirit Trio is going to need you too…(Insert smiley face here!)
It is always all about Jesus❤️
Amen, my friend! AMEN!
As I read of your vulnerability, I’m reminded of this verse, “I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Galatians 2:20
Thank you, Deandra. That is the PERFECT verse for times of self-consciousness!
Hallelujah! 🙌🏽
not good enough is a constant battle for me too. I would love to hear you sing!!
We’ll pray our way through together, Jean! As for hearing me sing, the time for that was a couple of decades ago or more! 🙂 I’ll sing for you when we get to heaven!!
Hi Nancy, I love that song for Pentecost Sunday! Way to go, Jeremy! We have wonderful memories singing together.
Your blog touched me today knowing I’m not the only one struggling with video recordings. Every week I am recording over and over again for our online services. Sometimes the fatigue or frustration over lyric, rhythm or melody set in. Then there’s the time limit. Oh, I forgot to mention my appearance. I can go on and on. Like you, sometimes I need a break to be refreshed through prayer. God is so patient with me! Praise God!!!
I too cherish the wonderful memories of singing together at Oceanview! Thank you for sharing your own struggles with getting things just right. Prayer IS the pause that refreshes–calms and empowers too. So glad you stopped by, Linda!
Nancy, it has been toooooo long since I’ve dropped by here. This was a great blogpost, but not for the reasons you mentioned–I wanna say how proud I am of you for tackling Garage Band and learning how to do something new to share music with the world (well, your son and then the world.)
SO much of our worlds are virtual these days and the learning curve has been steep indeed. If we’re able to lean in and use the technology people have invented we can do amazing and encouraging things–like sing.
Loved this.
Thank you, Jody, for stopping by. It was a challenge to learn Garage Band, but not as complicated as I thought it might be. Even this old gal could do it!
Hi Nancy,
Yes, I hear you. Every time I see a big challenge that I know I can’t do myself I pray. It’s kicking the devil and my flesh out of the situation and letting the Lord work. That is what our part is.
Thank you,
Gary
That’s the spirit, Gary–kick the devil and the flesh out, making room for the Lord to work. I love that image! Thank you for stopping by and sharing.
This was a joy to read, Nancy! Being a bit OCD I’ve struggled with perfectionism for years. It’s so comforting that God does not expect us to be perfect! Also, I love the way the Lord answers prayer. He cares about everything in our lives…the big things and the little things. (I messaged you about the way the Lord answered three prayers of mine today!)
So glad you found joy here, Cheri. Praise God! I read your message about the three answered prayers. SO uplifting–the one about your niece is especially exciting. Just what that dear girl needs and deserves (in my humble opinion)!
Nancy,
I used to be so self conscious and always in performance mode. I still want to do a good job in whatever I do, but now it’s done for an audience of One. Awesome post and you should post the rendition. Blessings, Bev xx
Thank you, Bev. That song, Audience of One, has ministered to me over and over again in the years since it first aired on radio. I suppose I could post the trio–if I knew how to edit it out of the entire service and how to post it! What I can do is send you the info for accessing it on Facebook! 🙂
this inspired me so much.
I’m so glad, Ritu. Praise God!