In one scene of What’s Up Doc? (an old screwball comedy from 1972, starring Barbra Streisand and Ryan O’Neal), a hotel concierge wants the gruff house detective to stop a particular woman from leaving the hotel.
“And how am I supposed to do that?” inquires the detective with much sarcasm.
“Use your charm,” replies the concierge.
So when the woman enters the lobby and heads for the doors, the detective…
…trips the unsuspecting victim, causing her to sprawl in a most unladylike fashion on the floor.
Charming indeed.
I dare say some folks are just about as clueless as that detective when it comes to such an illusive quality as charm. Just what is it that makes a person charming?
One important quality, for sure, is respect.
And it happens to be a biblical concept:
“Show proper respect to everyone.”
(1 Peter 2:17)
M-m-m. Everyone. Not just the people at church on a Sunday morning, or at the meeting with the boss on Monday—but with family, and those with whom we have little in common, and even those we don’t particularly like.
But how do we demonstrate such over-arching respect?
Here are ten possibilities. (And while you’re reading, consider: Which of these strategies, when administered to you, have made you feel especially respected?)
- Politeness – even at home. Be on the alert for rudeness, sarcasm, and inconsiderate comments or behavior. Even family members deserve to be treated politely. Make home a haven of kindness.
- Tact. Perhaps your mother was like mine, offering the frequent reminder, “THINK before you speak.” It was wise advice.
- Gratitude. Never let an opportunity pass by to say “thank you” for the least of favors or the smallest of gifts. Try to be a person who notices.
- Thoughtfulness — demonstrates that you value the other person. Let the Golden Rule be your guide.
- Compliments — especially in the hearing of others. Plant a lot of positive input into the people around you, and make their souls blossom.
- Focused Listening—with eyes as well as ears. Even if you can recite his last sentence word for word, but your eyes were on the door, on the kids, or on a screen (as in TV, computer, iPhone, etc.) he will assume you’re not interested.
- Reliability. Keep promises and commitments; be on time for appointments or engagements. Consideration of these matters indicates you truly care about the other person.
Respect also requires that we avoid certain behaviors:
- Avoid comparisons to others. Suggesting that Jake be more like Zeke is deflating and demoralizing, not helpful.
- Avoid criticism unless absolutely necessary. Share judgments carefully, sandwiched between positive and affirming comments. NEVER criticize in front of others.
- Avoid making corrections, especially in the company of others. Does it really matter if an event happened on Tuesday, not Wednesday, or that the car was a Ford and not a Chevy? Interrupting with unimportant corrections borders on rudeness. Yes, it does.
I’ve heard some people say, “If So-and-So wants respect, she needs to earn it.”
In my younger years, I made similar remarks, too. I wish I’d known better.
The truth of the matter is:
“The way we treat others is more about who we are,
not who they are.”
(Source unknown)
Perhaps the above list can be our guide.
So! Did you agree wholeheartedly with one or more of these evidences of respect–because you’ve been treated that way, and felt valued as a result? Tell us about it in the comment section below!
(Art & photo credits: www.pinterest.com; http://www.wpclipart.com; http://www.pinterest.com; http://www.quotescover.som.)
From the Inside Out 
I liked your quote ” the way we treat others is more about who we are, not who they are.: A new way to look at it for me I always had felt respect was earned. Like this.
Enjoy your blogs. Bless you and Steve, Janet
Thank you, Janet. It’s a new way for me to view the concept of respect also. Thank you also for your blessing. We are doing well, and pray God’s blessings upon you, too!
I think that the most effective way of helping someone to feel loved, respected, and validated, is to actually look them in the eye, and really care about what they are saying and who they are inside. To look past the behavior and surface stuff and see THEM. (Look for the spark of Jesus inside of them)
Thank you for a very thoughtful post:-)
Bernadette
Let’s make that #11: Ignore the petty little things; consider the heart and soul of the other person. I appreciate your advice to “look for the spark of Jesus,” too. That can be a powerful attitude-adjuster. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Bernadette!
Courtesy is disappearing so quickly in our culture. Not the minor issue it sounds like!
Good point, Mitch. Especially in larger communities where people don’t know each other. Anonymity seems to foster rudeness, thoughtlessness, and selfishness. Not sure how we reverse the trend either!
Thank you for the reminders, Nancy.
You’re welcome, Nikki. (Though I can’t imagine you need reminders about respect!! You’re one of the most gracious people I know! 🙂 )
Wonderful suggestions, Nancy! Just the other day I was at a fast food window and the gal told me I had pretty eyes. SO unexpected! I must say that it gave me a lift. I must remember to do this, myself.
Also…something that I have been trying to do… If someone is helping me in a store or over the phone I make a mental note of their name and try to use their name in thanking them later on in the conversation. I think it makes them feel more like a valued person…
I already suggested that Bernadette’s addition become #11 on our list. Your idea should be #12: Take note of people’s names and USE them. You’re right. Such thoughtfulness does make others feel more valued. Thank you for your input!
Great list. I especially thing focused listening is a powerful gift we give to others. So often we are thinking of what to say next or can’t wait for our turn. I have learned through spiritual direction the value of deep listening. Thanks Nancy
Exactly! With so many folks doing precisely what you’ve said–thinking of what to say next and anxiously waiting their turns (or worse yet, interrupting)–you have to wonder, who’s doing the listening?! Btw: “The Value of Deep Listening” sounds like a blog-post title! Could you write that one for us? Please?!
Loved this Nancy… Especially gratitude for the least of favors and the smallest of gifts… In this fast and crazy paced world it is so easy to take things for granted…I definitely want to be attentive to these things!❤ Thanks for this great list!
You ARE an attentive, respectful person! 🙂 I’ve seen it over and over again. God bless you for wanting to be even more so.
This is fabulous, Nancy! I’m going to print this out and post it in my house!
I am honored, Rebeca, that you find the tips so valuable!