Some years ago I started keeping prayer cards instead of a prayer list. A 3x 5 gives plenty of room to record updates and answers. Another benefit: It’s easy to rotate through the stack, praying for ten to fifteen people/organizations per day.
One card in the stack trips me up. At the top is written the name of “a difficult person.” He’s arrogant, dishonest, and unreliable.
I know I need to include him in my prayers, but I hardly know where to begin, except for “God, help this man!”
So I finally did some reading on the subject of difficult people, to find out how to pray for such individuals. Below are several suggestions I found helpful. If you have challenging folks in your life, perhaps you’ll find these thoughts useful also.
First, I need to begin with repentance. Before I pray about the faults and shortcomings of others, I need to address my own (Matthew 7:1-5). In addition, before I look at the person to be forgiven, I must look to God for the power to forgive.*
Second, I can ask God to:
- Open the heart of this person to the error(s) of his ways.
- Reveal the truth of the gospel to him—that Jesus is the only Way to salvation.
- Grant the person self-awareness so he’ll see how his choices and behavior negatively impact others.
- Curtail his influence so that innocent people might be protected.
- Bring godly people into his sphere, to exemplify the God-enhanced life.
- Cause circumstances that draw his attention to God.
- Reveal the difference to him between godly wisdom and human foolishness.
Third, I can praise God that:
- He is sovereign over all—even difficult people.
- He can cause positive outcomes—in spite of erroneous judgments.
- “Mistakes” on their part can actually produce God-ordained benefits.
And just how might such a prayer unfold? Perhaps something like this:
Oh, God, as I pray for those who
cause great frustration and even suffering for others,
it’s easy to lose sight of my own sinfulness.
I have not lived free of pride, dishonesty or unreliability either.
Forgive me, Father, for the many ways
I fall short of your desires for me.
Thank you for your grace and love that
prompt you to accept my confession and
prod me toward greater reliance upon you,
to become a better version of myself.
Because I fall short
(even though I know you as my Savior and Master),
it is with deep humility I pray for Mr. X.
I am no better than he is.
First, may he recognize the truth of your Word
and the reality of salvation through your Son, Jesus.
I pray Mr. X will seek the Light of your wisdom to guide his way.
May your Holy Spirit shed Light on the choices he’s already made,
and reveal to him the full, true consequences of his behavior.
Guide him to change course to your ways.
I thank you, Lord, that every day you are
sending Christians into Mr. X’s life as bearers of your Light,
to draw him to you.
You are engineering circumstances that highlight your power,
and using that sovereign power to curtail his influence.
I thank you for your ability
to produce positive outcomes even through difficult people.
The story of Joseph is one example.
In addition, even mistakes on the part of Mr. X
can actually produce just and righteous benefits.
Oh, how I praise you, Almighty God,
that you have established your throne in heaven,
and your kingdom rules over all—
even over difficult people.
(Psalm 51:1-5; Romans 3:23; Romans 7:18; Ecclesiastes 2:13; John 16:13; Psalm 119:130; Matthew 5:16; Romans 1:20; Psalm 37:17; Proverbs 19:21; Psalm 103:19)
*Ralph Sockman,The Higher Happiness, Pierce & Smith, 1950, p. 107.
How do you pray for difficult people? Please share your insights in the Comments section below!
(Art & photo credits: www.fotosearch.com; http://www.pinterest.com (5), http://www.ourdailyblossom.com; http://www.pinterest (2).
From the Inside Out 
Such a good model, thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome, Carole. Praise God for his inspiration!
That’s an excellent question! I’m not always sure “how” to pray for the difficult ones, but I’ve started praying for them more frequently.
May God honor those more frequent prayers, Sheryl!
Nancy, Thank you for this insight on praying for those difficult people. I’m sure I will use this over & over not only for others but for myself. God has truly been growing me up in His plan for prayer over the past year. It has been a journey of trusting & more time away with just Him. Your blog has been a great way to learn & grow as well. May God continue to give you the words to write as you use the special gift He has given you.
Thank you, sweet friend, for your encouragement. SO glad you’re finding the blog posts meaningful. Praise God!
Oh! This is so excellently practical! Thank you so much!
You’re welcome, Dawn. Praise God for the inspiration to DO something about my stalled prayers for Mr. X. Instead of feeling frustration when his prayer-card comes up, I’ll feel ready to approach the Lord’s throne with my petitions. I’m delighted you found the ideas to be practical.
Wow! Our PW group had such a need very recently. I will share this with them. You are not forgotten and frequently your name comes up. We love you and miss you, dear friend.
I will never forget that special group either. Such bonds of friendship we formed! Praise God this post was beneficial to you all. Love and miss you back!
So often I am difficult and not the easiest to deal with. As I imagine someone praying this over me, I feel a deep sense of the kindness of God and His patience with all of us. Thank you, dear Nancy!
Oh my. Heidi, I find it impossible to believe this prayer would fit you AT ALL! The sweet spirit communicated through your words at “Wings of Dawn” could never be written by someone like Mr. X!! But you ARE right about the kindness of God and his patience with us all. His love and grace–in spite of our shortcomings and sin–boggle the mind with wonder, and swell the heart with gratitude!
Nancy, God rescued me from the bottom of the pit of selfishness that had wrecked many lives, including my own. It’s truly only by the grace of God and His Holy Spirit that we are able to see right from wrong. Thank you for your kind words. They bare witness to the fact that God is in the business of restoring all the Mr. and Mrs. X!!!! Much love to you, sweet sister!
I’m praising God with you, Heidi!
“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:13.
Amen and hallelujah!
Nancy, there’s a lot of food for thought here. Sometimes the most difficult people to pray for are fellow Christians that who rub us the wrong way….or maybe I’m the only one.
Repenting first is a wise start–thank you for the reminders.
No, Jody, you most certainly are NOT the only one who finds fellow Christians (who rub us the wrong way) the most difficult people to pray for. They ought to know better, right?! And with that thought, repentance for my LOG of pride must follow (!) before I can ask the Spirit to enlighten this other person!!
This is helpful, Nancy. Usually I don’t pray well for someone who ticks me off because I now my attitude’s wrong. Your approach is to deal with your own sin, plus go on to ask for change in the other. I was thinking either/or, but it’s both!
So glad you found the post helpful, Colleen. Yes, repentance and then prayers for change. Some of that change needs to happen in my own heart as well–my attitude toward difficult people. God uses sandpaper people to work the rough edges off of ME! (Now there’s a P.S. I could add the post!)
powerful point and prayer, Nancy. I had one person like this and remember praying Lord she is such a thorn in my side and heard God quietly say back to me and you are a thorn in her side too. Gave me a new perspective and as I let my guard down we soon got along better. Never close friends but could work together better. quite a lesson for me and one I don’t forget when it comes to difficult people
Brilliant suggestion, Jean! I need to add another paragraph to my prayer–that God help me not to be difficult for others. Thank you for your personal example, also!
Nancy, this is one of your most insightful posts to date. I know you give the glory to God for the constant source of inspiration He provides you with. I thank God for you willingness to keep this blog going and I pray for you. That said, someone mentioned Christians being difficult. I have one such friends that I have known since grade school who appears to really appreciate and love me but there is something that she continues to do that hurts me very much. So in that way…she is difficult. Your suggestions will help me immensely.
Thank you, Cheri, for your encouragement and your prayers. (No wonder I haven’t run out of ideas yet!!) May this post help us all to lift up difficult people with compassion.