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Archive for the ‘Maturity’ Category

Our Opponent

Posted in Maturity, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2013| 16 Comments »

Most of the children who come trick-or-treating at our doors tonight will be dressed as princesses and super heroes.  According to statistics, these are the most popular costumes.

So even though Halloween is sometimes called Satan’s holiday, that bright red, fork-tailed, pointy-eared devil costume will not be a prevalent sight.

Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if the devil really did wear a bright red suit on his rounds.  We might find it easier to spot him and put up our guard.  In actuality, he’s quite the wily fellow.

For Eve, he took the form of a serpent (Genesis 3:4).  An interesting choice.  Serpents are noxious creatures that creep stealthily, hiss menacingly, and inject poison into their victims.  Need we say more about the similarities between Satan and serpents?

He’s called the evil one in Matthew 13:19.  Look up evil in the dictionary and his character is clearly described:  morally reprehensible, wicked, offensive, causing harm, bringing sorrow, distress and calamity.

Satan is our enemy (1 Peter 5:8).  He seeks to injure, overthrow, and confound us.  He is a harmful and deadly opponent, hostile, and filled with ill will.

In the same verse above, Peter says, “The devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  The Living Application Bible reminds us lions attack sick, young, and straggling animals, and Satan does the same.  When we are suffering, depressed, or being persecuted, that’s when he loves to move in for the kill.  And he often chooses a time when we’re alone and more easily swayed.

The devil is our accuser (Revelation 12:10).  First, he lies to us, trying to convince us that whatever he’s suggesting will make us happy.  Then he turns around and uses our sins to accuse us of disobedience and unfaithfulness before God!  In fact, Satan in Hebrew means accuser.  

You’d think that all these abhorrent traits would repel us from the devil and his cohorts.  But his opposition against us isn’t always obvious.  1)  We cannot see the spiritual forces of evil, and 2) Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14).

But!  In spite of his power (although limited) and sophisticated trickery, the devil has already been defeated.

I love what author and Bible teacher, Ann White, said years ago:

“The devil may prowl around like a lion, but Christ removed his teeth at Calvary!”

Jesus is much greater than Satan (Hebrews 2:14-15).  And Jesus is within us (1 John 4:4), empowering us to fight against him.

In fact, Jesus showed us how to fight him off.  Remember the strong temptations he withstood in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11)?  Jesus used scripture to refute the devil’s lies and twists of truth.

We can do the same, starting with one of Jesus’ responses in the passage above:

“Away from me, Satan!  It is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ ” (v. 10).

And now that we know a bit more about our opponent, such resistance can be even more successful.

We can be ready–red suit or not.

(photo credit:  www.buckshappeningmag.com )

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The Blessings of Wait Time

Posted in Blessings, Faith, Hope, Intimacy with God, Maturity, Patience, Perseverance, Uncategorized, Waiting on God, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2013| 6 Comments »

“It is good to wait quietly,” Jeremiah said (Lamentations 3:26a).

At the risk of sounding impudent, “What’s good about it?”

Waiting can make us feel anxious and stressed.  If we’re waiting for a prayer to be answered or a scriptural promise to be fulfilled, we can become doubtful, discouraged, and despondent.  Not good.

Yet the act of waiting seems important to God.  Numerous times in the Bible we see people of faith who had to endure Wait Time:

  • Abraham and Sarah waited 25 years for the birth of Isaac.
  • Jacob waited 14 years to take Rachel as his bride.
  • Joseph waited 13 years, first as a slave, then as a prisoner, before being rescued and elevated by God to second-in-command over Egypt.
  • The Israelites waited through 400 years of slavery in Egypt before God’s miraculous intervention.

  • Caleb waited 45 years to inherit his portion of the Promised Land.
  • David waited at least 15 years to become king of Israel, after his anointing by Samuel.
  • Simeon, Anna, and many other Jews waited for their Messiah.

God’s delays must serve a purpose.  And a diligent search through scripture gives us answers to:  What good can come from waiting?

  • Times of waiting strengthen our trust in God and our resolve (Psalm 27:14).  If every day was problem-free and blissful, surely our faith would remain shallow.
  • We grow in our relationship with God while resting in his sovereignty and reliability (Psalm 62:5-8).  The Almighty of the universe becomes our closest confidant.  Intimacy with him deepens as we turn to him for comfort, encouragement, strength, and more.

  • Spiritual maturity develops (James 1:2-4).  Waiting is a challenge all by itself, but can also be accompanied by worry, pain, and sacrifice.  The test of waiting, however, develops our patience and perseverance and gives us opportunity to grow in character.  None of these benefits would blossom within us if God provided for every whim, and rescued from every trial.
  • We learn to take joy in the blessings we already have.  Paul wrote, “Be joyful always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) to a church experiencing persecution.  They were undoubtedly praying and waiting for relief.  But Paul knew that focusing on what Christ had already done for the believers, and the benefits they already enjoyed, would help offset their anxiety and frustration.  The same is true for us.
  • Others see our patience and trust while we wait (Psalm 40:1-4).  Then, when God answers our cries, others take note of his provision, and their faith is encouraged.

It seems we’re always waiting for something; it’s only the intensity of emotion attached to the waiting that tends to vary.  When that intensity begins to grow, perhaps it would help to say, “I’m waiting with great anticipation!”

There can be sweet delight in anticipation.  For example, as the Christmas holidays approach, I anticipate the glorious homecoming of family members.  I relish the imaginings of long conversations at the candle-lit dinner table, the hugs and laughter, and the gathering around the Christmas tree for family worship and gift-giving.

I need to apply that joy of anticipation to waiting on God.  I can relish the fact that his plan – including the Wait Time — always includes positive aspects.  I can reaffirm that God is always on time – never late, never early.  I can generate excitement in my spirit by musing on God’s promises and looking forward to the creative, miraculous ways he will fulfill those promises.  With an attitude of anticipation, waiting shouldn’t be nearly so uncomfortable.

(You have my permission to remind me of that, should impatience or frustration start to manifest themselves!)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Heavenly Father, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for the Wait Times in my life.  Thank you for holding me back, so trust, intimacy, gratitude, patience, and spiritual maturity have a chance to grow.  Help me to embrace the Wait Times as opportunities to discover more of who you are, more of the priceless treasures hidden in your Word, and more of who I can be when I am rooted and built up in you (Colossians 2:7)—especially through times of waiting.

(Art & photo credits:  www.bible-stories-library.com , http://www.moseseditor.blogspot.com . http://www.photosbyravi.com , http://www.pinterest.com.

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Patient Pursuit

Posted in Faith, God's Will, Maturity, Patience, Perseverance, Prayer, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , on September 19, 2013| 6 Comments »

Women's Bible Study

“I know we have to persevere and not give up on what we sense God wants us to do,”  S. shared at Bible study.  “And from the lives of Joseph, Moses, Daniel, and others in the Bible, I know God rarely smooths the path perfectly and makes every door open without me even turning the knob.  But what I want to know is how to proceed.  I’d like steps to follow!”

Heads nodded around the table, mine included.  Wouldn’t it be nice if God laid out step one, step two, and so on toward his perfect plan?

That idea has been circulating in my brain for nearly a week now.  Here are some observations.

1. God values our growth in faith more than our comfort in a predetermined plan.   

If it was best for us to know his plan in advance, then that’s what God would provide.  Instead, he allows our faith to be tested, in order to build our character.  That is important to him:

“The Lord detests men of perverse heart but he delights in those whose ways are blameless” (Proverbs 11:20).

2.  God values the process of spiritual growth, not just the final outcome of a purpose fulfilled.

Times of challenge give us opportunity to develop maturity  more readily than times of ease.  What might that development include?

  • Self-discipline–when we tackle difficult tasks.  Granted, the Holy Spirit empowers us (Galatians 5:22-23), but we must give ourselves over to him.  How?  Through frequent prayer, offered throughout the day, consistently asking for his guidance and help.
  • Self-denial–by doing without.  However, the attentive person will soon discover much to celebrate that may have been missed otherwise:  the stunning display of God’s creation, the joy of love and laughter with family and friends, the peace and strength from frequent communion with God.  Suddenly, gratitude flourishes in the heart, and what has been given up doesn’t seem so important anymore.
  • The full meaning of love–when given opportunity to respond in kind ways to difficult people.

None of these valuable traits of discipline, selflessness, and love would fully develop without lessons of experience.

3.  God values the development of our prayer lives–not for his benefit, but for ours.

Jean Nicolas Grou, a Jesuit priest of the 1700s, described healthy prayer as humble, reverent, loving, confident, and persevering.  As we practice those traits in our prayer lives, surely they will overflow into our character, in our actions and reactions.

Patient pursuit, then, is best applied to God’s ways, and then to God’s plan.

(photo credit:  http://www.st-tims-church.org )

 

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How to Nip the Gossip

Posted in Excellence, Godly Character, Holiness, Maturity, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , on September 16, 2013| 4 Comments »

 

“You are not going to believe what Natalie did,” Gabby-Gossip starts.  And with much detail she begins to describe the foolish, spiteful actions of a mutual acquaintance.

And even though she’s only spoken two sentences, I know Gabby’s tirade is going to be gossip.  Not only don’t I need this information, but participation with her will be downright harmful.  The problem is, how do I tactfully stop Gabby-Gossip?

These strategies may be just what I need; perhaps you’ll find them helpful, too:

1.  Say nothing at all.  Refuse to participate. 

Just like Thumper said in the Disney movie, Bambi, “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

Even scripture backs up the value of silence:  “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13).

2.  Ask, “Why are you telling me this?”

Be aware of the tone of your voice as you ask.  Speak with innocence, as if you assume Gabby is sharing for a legitimate reason.  Chances are, such a question will catch her off guard.  She often has no agenda beyond passing on a juicy bit of unflattering news.

Sometimes Gabby-Gossip prefaces her sharing with the directive, “I’m telling you this so you’ll be able to pray for Natalie.”

Perhaps I can stop the flow of details by suggesting, “I’m so glad God knows all the ins and outs of this situation.  He also knows Natalie’s heart, and I don’t.  I will most definitely be praying.”  Then change the subject.

3.  Insert positive talk.

Perhaps we can share something Natalie did recently that was commendable, or highlight one of her character traits we admire.

We could begin by saying, “You know what I appreciate about Natalie?”  Follow up with an example.  Perhaps Gabby will realize her talk has gone off-track and will follow our lead.

Solomon noted, “The lips of the righteous nourish many” (Proverbs 10:21).  What a fulfilling purpose to keep in mind for our conversations:  to feed nourishing words of wisdom and encouragement into the lives of others.

When we choose to speak positively, it demonstrates respect for others, respect for the One who created them, and respect for ourselves.  Kind words also bring positive energy and uplift to a conversation.  By contrast, negative talk drains our energy and we feel depressed, discouraged, or even angered as we part company.

4.  Seek to help Gabby-Gossip.

If the negative talk centers on a problem between Gabby and Natalie, discuss some possibilities to solve the conflict.  Turn the conversation from fault-finding to solution-brainstorming.

5.  Pray, even as you speak.

Without the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit, we will fail to solve the problem or win over Gabby-Gossip to positivity.  Send up a silent sky-text as the conversation begins.  Ask God to direct your thoughts and give you the words to say that will minister to Gabby.

6.  Resist the urge to gossip to someone else. 

With David we need to pray, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3).

Few of us run the risk of saying too little; it is the opposite that causes trouble!  Three little words can guide us, as we think before we speak:  Is our next comment true, kind, and necessary?

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Heavenly Father, I do not want to participate in gossip.  Instead I want to be a positive influence, even a force of change.  With David, I ask you to set a guard over my mouth.  Be my attentive Watchman, God.  Even now, in preparation for the next encounter with Gabby-Gossip, I pray for your wisdom and courage to react rightly.  Because the bottom line is:  I want the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

(photo credit:  www.gazettedebonton.)

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Palms, Cedars, and Helen Hayes

Posted in Blessings, Faith, God's Faithfulness, God's Love, God's Promises, Godly Character, Maturity, Praise, Uncategorized, Worship, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 18, 2013| 10 Comments »

Back in the 1970s I saw Helen Hayes in a made-for-TV movie.  Some of you may recognize her.  She was known as the “First Lady of the American Theater,” beginning her career on Broadway in 1905, when she was only five years old.  In the 1930s, Helen expanded her stardom to films, and finally to television.

The reason she comes to mind now and then is the impression she made upon me, as an energetic, sparkly eyed senior citizen.  I remember thinking, “When I get old, I want to be like that!”

Poof.  Four decades have passed, and I am indeed getting old!  I don’t feel like it, but that doesn’t stop the incessant turning of the calendar pages.

So I was delighted to come across these verses from Psalm 92 that cast aging in a positive light:

“The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God.  They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; He is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in Him” (vs. 12-15).

Palm trees do indeed flourish, living up to 100 years.  Withstanding heat, drought, and high winds, these trees stand tall and strong; their leaves fresh and green all year long.

 

What a perfect picture of an energetic, sparkly eyed senior citizen! 

How do we achieve such age-defying qualities? 

First, notice that the righteous will flourish.  When our faith is grounded in God, when we follow his principles for a prosperous life, we flourish.

Like the palm tree that grows straight up toward heaven, the righteous reach for the God of heaven.  That’s how they’re able to stand strong through the winds of change and difficult circumstances.

The psalmist then continues:  “The righteous will…grow like a cedar of Lebanon.”

Majestic cedar trees grow to 120 feet in height and up to 30 feet in circumference.  They provide the perfect picture of a firm, stable person.  Just as the cedar’s roots go deep into the soil, so the righteous person is rooted and grounded in God’s love (Ephesians 3:17).  From those roots comes the nourishment needed to remain strong and spiritually healthy.

Second, notice where these trees are planted:  in the house of the Lord.  They flourish in the courts of our God.

Charles Spurgeon, that eloquent preacher and writer of the 1800s, had this to say about those who dwell in habitual fellowship with God:  “They shall become men [and women] of full growth, rich in grace, happy in experience, mighty in influence, honored and honorable.”  Now that sounds like a very satisfying way to live—so much better than the opposite!

Think of a complaining oldster whose mouth turns down from constant disgruntlement.  His bottom lip protrudes from perpetual pouting, and his brow is permanently lowered into a frown because anger often rules his emotions.  All this negativity has stunted the growth of his maturity.  He’s unhappy much of the time, and is not held in high regard by others.  Do you suppose he ever considers that his way of life is terribly unsatisfying?   

However!  When our lives are centered upon worship of God, as we express gratitude for his blessings, praise for his attributes, contentment for where he’s placed us, and joy in the midst of trials, we become those admirable men and women Dr. Spurgeon described above:  mature, gracious, and happy.

Dr. Spurgeon also added “mighty in influence and honored.”  God rewards the righteous aged with “fruit.”  In other words, we may still bring glory to God by our words and actions—well into old age.

We can be:

  • Energetic—with the power of the Holy Spirit
  • sparkly-eyed—with the indwelling of God’s peace
  • grace-filled—with continual demonstrations of God’s love to others
  • joyful—with hearts focused on God’s blessings

These kinds of saints provide a powerful example of God’s faithfulness—through pleasant times and challenges, through plenty and want, year after year.

May we continue to grow deep and stand tall—all the days of our lives.

(photo credits:  www.pachd.com, www.captainkimo.com, www.forestertreeservice.com, www.centrifueleadership.com, www.seniors.ovetoknow.com)

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BOR-ING!

Posted in Blessings, God's Goodness, Intimacy with God, Maturity, Uncategorized, tagged , , on May 30, 2013| 14 Comments »

松林夕景 pine forest at sunset

pine forest at sunset (Photo credit: uBookworm)

I placed my Diet Coke on a nearby table and settled into one of the front porch rockers. The book I had brought with me remained closed on my lap. Instead of reading, I gazed at tall pines, listened to birds chirping good-night to each other, and breathed in cool mountain air.

What a stark contrast to home, I thought. My husband, two sons, and I had escaped the oppressive summer heat of our Florida home, and were vacationing in a North Carolina rental cabin.

Not long after settling, I noticed an enormous Luna moth perched on the porch railing. He appeared to be sleeping soundly. His shapely sea foam wings stretched out primly, in a perfect display of shimmering symmetry. Not even an antenna moved.

English: Luna moth (Actias luna), Florida.

Luna moth (Actias luna) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the sweet idleness of that moment, I had time to wonder.

When do you suppose moths wake up? Is it at dusk, or does it have to be completely dark? And what will be the first part to move? Will his wings flutter a bit in warm-up? Or will those long antennae flicker, checking his surroundings before he ventures into the night?

My knowledge of Luna moths was sorely lacking.

I made strong attempts to read my book, but kept distracting myself for updates on that moth–especially as the sun dipped lower in the sky and shadows deepened.

Eric, our older son, came out on the porch. He stood with hands in pockets, watching the sunset. “What’s up, Mom?”

“This is going to sound silly,” I began, “but see that moth over there? I’ve gotten curious about when they wake up. Is it at dusk or only when it’s completely dark? And as if that isn’t enough, I’m wondering what part of him will wake up first. Do you suppose it will be his antennae that move first, or maybe his wings?”

Eric chuckled slightly—not sarcastically, but in good humor that once again his mother’s curiosity was taking an interesting turn. I thought he’d turn and go back inside the cabin. To my delightful surprise, he chose to sit in the rocker next to me.

Twin Lakes Cabin 6 screened porch and rockers

(Photo credit: vastateparksstaff)

Together we kept vigil over that moth as the sunlight diminished to an apricot glow on the horizon, and the landscape turned dark gray. Still that moth did not move. And soon we were all enveloped by the night.

Suddenly, with barely a testing of his wings, the majestic moth was off the railing and fluttering away. Eric and I barely had time to say, “Oh! There he goes!” before the moth disappeared into the darkness.

We sat quietly for a few moments longer, listening to the crickets chirping cheerfully. With a contented sigh I reveled in the moment: the cool, peaceful surroundings and my satisfied curiosity. Most of all I savored that Eric had chosen to share with me this rather inconsequential moment.

Fire lit Forest

(Photo credit: `James Wheeler)

Just a few years earlier, if I had asked Eric to sit with me and watch a moth, he would have said, “BOR-ING!” and loped off to other pursuits. But that year he was twenty-four. We were starting to relate to one another differently, share more common interests, and communicate on a similar level. Eric was still my son, but he was also becoming a friend.

Reminds me a bit of what our Heavenly Father offers.  As we mature in him, our relationship grows into a loving, familial friendship, characterized by common interests and heart-to-heart communication. But such a relationship develops only as we spend time with him and his word.

Those who say, “Time with God is BOR-ING!” and lope off to other pursuits are missing out.

On what, you ask?

• The joy of His presence (Psalm 16:11)
• The goodness he bestows (Psalm 31:19)
• His strength (Psalm 138:2-3)
• Rest, in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1)
• Perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3)

Such precious gifts, Father: joy, goodness, strength, rest, and peace. I praise you with all my heart for being a God who pursues a warm, loving relationship with his children. May I seek your face in return. Always.

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The Purpose of Problems–Part 2

Posted in Encouragement, Excellence, Faith, God's Presence, Godly Character, Maturity, Perseverance, Suffering, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2013| 7 Comments »

Hardship

Hardship (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On Monday our starting point was Acts 14:22: “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.” Not exactly an encouraging affirmation, is it!

But we discovered that problems can actually be opportunities—opportunities to improve our perspective, foster appreciation, and draw us closer to God.

Another benefit? Problems build character.

And why is that a valuable endeavor? Wise King Solomon answered that question eons ago: “I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity” (1 Chronicles 29:17).  That means,  when I face problems with integrity, I bring pleasure to my Heavenly Father.  Now that’s a goal worth pursuing.

integrity

integrity (Photo credit: glsims99)

Integrity is firm adherence to a code or standard of values. The one and only true standard is God’s standard, laid out in his Word.  Integrity includes righteousness, courage, perseverance, and faith–character traits that don’t develop without pressure.

The key is to live within the spiritual realm with him. Then the physical realm becomes less important. It’s as if we exist in an alternative reality. No wallowing in self-pity. No rehashing the negative aspects of the situation. No time wasted considering the “what-ifs.”

Instead we “count it all joy when we meet various trials” (James 1:2). How?

1. Practice his presence by speaking to him throughout the day.   Keep rehearsing God’s attributes. Remember all his benefits. Think of the blessings he has already provided.

2. Acknowledge those little demons of worry, shame, or inadequacy. Call them by name and present them before God. Notice how they cower as God proclaims his everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). Watch them retreat as he affirms his infinite power (Jeremiah 32:27).

3. Anticipate what God might accomplish through these difficult circumstances. Wonderful possibilities exist as he sends us in new directions and uses us to minister to others.

No doubt there are more steps we can take. But these offer a good start. And what will be the result? Difficulties develop perseverance, and perseverance produces maturity—the one positive character trait that covers them all (James 1:2).

Heavenly Father, you know even better than I how easy it is to verbally affirm these truths; it’s another to live by them moment by moment. I still have much to learn about counting it all joy in the midst of trials. But I do aspire to be a mature person, able to say, “It is well with my soul.”   No.   Matter.   What.   Thank you for continuing to work on me, for never giving up.

IT IS WELL

IT IS WELL (Photo credit: Amydeanne)

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The Purpose of Problems–Part 1

Posted in Appreciation, Intimacy with God, Maturity, Suffering, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on April 29, 2013| 18 Comments »

Not long ago I came across these words in Acts 14:22: “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.”

I don’t like the sound of that! Especially the word must. And considering the recent converts Paul was speaking to that day, it seems awfully harsh. Shouldn’t Paul have softened his message a bit by saying, “We might go through hardships?”

Raphael, St Paul Preaching in Athens

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yet Paul was saying nothing that Jesus hadn’t warned his disciples about: “In this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33, emphasis added).

The reality begs the question why. Why is hardship inevitable? God Almighty is sovereign over all. It’s well within his power to protect us from difficulty. So why doesn’t he?

Here are some possibilities:

1. “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Paul could have said his troubles were heavy and ongoing rather than light and momentary. He had been falsely accused, beaten, stoned, imprisoned, and more. But Paul’s focus wasn’t on his earthly life. He was already focused on his future life in heaven. Every time he endured suffering, it meant the glory yet to come would be all the more splendorous by comparison. Paul understood:  Problems focus our perspective.

English: Saint paul arrested

English: Saint Paul arrested (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2. Hardships remind us of what Jesus endured for us. Anything we might suffer cannot begin to compare to what he suffered on the cross—the extreme pain, the loathsome humiliation, and the unbearable separation from his Heavenly Father. Problems foster appreciation for our precious Savior.

3. “Faith must be tested because it can be turned into a personal possession only through conflict” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest). Faith does not grow without testing. Trials provide the best opportunity to become intimate with God. And what could be more valuable than an intimate relationship with our loving, wise Heavenly Father? Therefore, we need to remember: Problems draw us closer to God.

Heavenly Father, thank you for caring so deeply about me that you discipline me. I want to reach that level of maturity where I rejoice in problems because of the growth opportunities they provide and the intimacy with you that will result. Continue to chip away at the hesitancy and obstinacy in my spirit that stands in the way.

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