As I approached the grocery check-out, I was surprised to see an acquaintance behind the counter. Another pastor’s wife.
“Hi, Cheryl*,” I said, while loading produce and paper products on the conveyor belt. “I didn’t know you worked here.”
“I just started,” she explained, swiping my purchases across the UPC reader screen. What she said next startled me. “Jim and I are getting a divorce. I’ve moved out, and needed a job to help support myself.”
“Cheryl, I am so sorry.”
“Oh, no. Don’t be. It was my choice. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
If the divorce announcement had startled me, her next words were downright shocking. Especially because they were spoken with such bitterness.
“It just became unbearable not to have an identity of my own.” Cheryl almost spat out her words. “I was always ‘Jim’s* wife.’ Well, no more.”
My first thought was, hasn’t she sensed the team effort of a pastorate? Couldn’t she take joy in how God was using her husband?
Perhaps Jim was partly to blame. Maybe he never included her, using the pronoun “I” more frequently than “we,” never affirming how important she was to his work and well-being.
When I told my husband, Steve, about the encounter, he said, “Cheryl doesn’t realize her identity is in Jesus.”
He was right. She must have thought that asserting her own personhood would somehow make her more important.
Just what is our identity in Jesus? Nestle down into the comforting words of these scriptures:
“Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over…all the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-27).
Author and theologian, Melvin Tinker, adds this insight: “Men and women are the jewels in the crown of God’s creation. Out of all the beings in the universe only men and women are God-like, bearing His image” (Wisdom to Live By, Christian Focus Publications, 1998, p. 112).
Did you get that? You are a jewel, created uniquely by God, in his image.
“What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor” (Psalm 8:4-5).
Each of us is highly valuable to God–crowned with glory and honor. No position makes a person more important in God’s view; no gift makes someone superior.
“Those who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons [and daughters] of God” (Romans 8:14).
Think of it. If you know Jesus, you are a child of the almighty King of the universe! You are royalty in God’s kingdom!
“Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:17).
And what have we inherited? Countless blessings here on earth, and eternal bliss in heaven yet to come. That doesn’t mean faith in Jesus results in a utopian existence. This world is tainted by sin; we suffer the consequences. But one day we’ll share in Christ’s glory and the hardships endured here will seem inconsequential.
“You have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority” (Colossians 2:10).
If we’re feeling incomplete or empty, only Jesus can fill that void with peace and contentment. HE is everything we need: our Savior, Care-Giver, Guide, Source of peace, blessing, and contentment.
So! At the first symptom of an identity crisis, let’s access that “fullness in Christ” through gratitude and praise. We can thank God for creating each of us unique and special. We can praise him for our gifts and talents that bless others and fulfill us. We can revel in the privilege of living for the praise of his glory (Ephesians 1:12)!
And we can embrace this truth:
“Your real, new self…will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him” (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity).
(photo credit: www.biokineticspt.com.)
*Names have been changed.
From the Inside Out 